Sirius in Madame Rauncher's
by elliebean885
Summary: Sirius returns at 4am from a drunken night out with a thong in his pocket and no memory of the night before. What horrors will Remus's anti-hangover potion discover from Sirius's gallavanting?


James sat bolt upright in bed. Yes, there was definitely somebody downstairs, in the common room. The fire had long since gone out, so he guessed they were stumbling around with difficulty in the dark. He slipped out of his bed covers and shook Remus until he awoke with a snort. James put a finger to his lips and motioned toward the stairs. In a second, Remus was out of bed and following James as he crept downwards, and the bangs from beneath them got louder.

"Aurgh... Fuck," A voice slurred as there was a thud which sounded like a body hitting the floor. James ignited his wand with a whisper, and was shocked to find none other than Sirius Black lying intoxicated and groaning on the floor in front of him.

"Sirius!" James hissed. "Where the bloody hell have you been? It's four in the fucking morning! How did you get in without anybody noticing?" He grasped Sirius' arm and heaved him up with Remus' help, until he was leaning against both their shoulders and the strong scent of liquor on his breath hit them in the face.

"Borr'ed yer cloa', din' ah," Was Sirius' answer, and James sighed.

"Bloody hell, Sirius. I thought you got barred from all the bars in Hogsmeade?" James had to hold his hand over his drunken friend's mouth as he belched and then laughed loudly at himself.

"well, yeah, ah did, bu' ah go' a broom an' wen' ou' sumwhurr there wus a good bar," He laughed even louder, "An' you'll ne'er guezz wha' ah brough' back fuh yers," Sirius rocked on his feet and snorted, gleeful. The three were up the stairs by now and pushing Sirius toward his bed.

"What, Sirius," Remus said tiredly as the sodden wizard fell onto the sheets.

"Come a bit closer, an' ah'll tell yuh," Sirius grinned, with his eyes and James leaned in, for they were genuinely interested now. Sirius didn;t usually remember things this well when he was filthy drunk.

"What?" James hissed. "Closer," Sirius wheedled.

"_What?_" Remus sighed, exasperated, into Sirius' ear. He heard Sirius take a deep breath, and slapped a hand across his mouth just in time to muffle his shout:

"SEASON PASSES TER MADUM FUCKIN' RAUNCHER'S!" Sirius yelled into Remus' palm. Then, after a giggling fit, he hiccoughed his way into a snoring, unconscious sleep. James and Remus stared at each other, then at the passed out Marauder on the bed. There were too many questions for four in the morning.

Without saying a word, James and Remus agreed to discuss their irresponsible friend and his visit to the whore-houses in the later morning, when Sirius would be regretting his night out with a splitting headache and hopefully a poor memory. James was certain he did not want to know what Sirius had been up to at the bars hat night.

END CHAPTER

At 2 in the afternoon, Sirius resurfaced from the pit of the dormitories and stumbled, barely dressed, into the great hall for the remains of lunch. He sat down with James and Remus at the table furthest away from the professors, and held his head in his hands. There were dark circles under his bloodshot eyes, and his lips were cracked and red. There was a red mark across his cheek that James strongly suspected was from a slap, but he didn't ask, just raised his eyebrow at His friend, whose inflamed skin was barely concealed in a loose fitting black shirt and black canvas trousers. He wore no shoes.

Remus was the first to say something, though it was not harsh. "Have some water, Sirius," Remus said, discreetly dropping in a bright green liquid, but Sirius didn't miss it.

"Cheers, Remus," He said, gulping the concoction down and wincing at his sore throat. "You know me too well. Are you going to ask?" He said, screwing up his face pitifully.

"No way, mate. I don't want to be blamed for watching evil deeds and doing nothing," Was all James said. He had a disapproving tone, the one he used when Sirius should know he had done wrong. But as usual, the womanising marauder couldn't take it seriously.

"Good, because I can't remember a fucking thing," He grinned. Remus let out a chuckle, tried and failed to disguise it with a cough, and it ended with all three best friends laughing loudly.

"Potion's good, Remus. You've been practising," Sirius lifted his glass in salute to the werewolf.

"yeah well, it is the fourth time this month, Sirius," Remus laughed.

"A month! That's not so bad!" Sirius said indignantly.

"Sirius, mate, it's the eighth of July," James told him, and Sirius bit his lip.

"Oops. Better not tell my mother. She'll probably know anyway, big brother over there will have ratted me out," He said, nodding over to the Slytherin table with distaste. "Right, Moony, Prongs, I'm off to catch a couple more winks before I have to call whichever girl I left last night. I didn't mention a name to you, did I?" He asked over his shoulder.

"Nope, you just said you'd got us all season passes to Madame Rauncher's," James laughed.

Sirius had stopped. Remus thought he looked slightly green, though it might just be the potion working on his brain. "Shit. What time did I get in?"

"Four, mate. Why?"

"Shit." Sirius repeated, then turned on his heel, running a hand through his tangled black mane, and briskly walked off toward the common room.

"What was that all about?" James said to Remus. "You don't think he actually went to Madame rauncher's, do you?"

"I wouldn't put it past him when he's drunk," Remus said gravely, watching Sirius' receding black figure hurry through corridors.

"Bloody hell." Was all James said, but didn't worry about it – he was sure Sirius wouldn't go to a prostitute house. Especially not when he had Miranda on his heels like a yapping lap dog – Miranda Gordon, the blonde bombshell from sixth year whose eye Sirius had caught last week, and who was obviously begging to jump into bed with him. Sirius made a point about thinking she was a bimbo, but he couldn't deny she was beautiful. That was all he wanted when he was drunk, so why go out to Madame Rauncher's? It was confusing. But Sirius would get himself out of it. He always did, the slimy git, James thought with a smile. He finished his lunch and went outside with Remus to do his afternoon's homework by the lake. It was shaping up to be a beautiful day.

END CHAPTER

Upstairs in the dormitory, Sirius paced up and down beside his bed. He had searched his pockets from last night, and what he had found made him fear even more for what he had done. There was an empty, clear plastic bag with a label on it which had been magically blanked – he could only assume these were drugs. He didn't remember buying any, but then he didnt remember anything.

Secondly, there was a lacy black thong which had been in his back trouser pocket, and tucked inside his underwear there were several golden coins, and a Madame Rauncher's business card with the name Scarlett written on it and a number beside it. His shoes were full of sequins, and his hair smelled like alcohol and hairspray, which could only mean that he had been out on the town – with women. Shit. Sirius was well and truly fucked.

When he had taken the potion, he knew it would take effect in a few minutes. He downed it, and knew the memories would hit him moments later, but he wasn't prepared. Slowly, over his lunch, images of half naked pole dancers had been drifting in and out of focus, which he did not find displeasing, but then they had been brought into sharp focus by a face he did recognise – Lily's. James Potter's girlfriend, Lily. She had been naked, pole dancing in front of him, Sirius, while he sat there, stoned and drunk, lapping it up like a randy hippogriff.

Idiot, idiot, idiot! When James had mentioned Madame Rauncher's to him , he had felt sick. Lily was a prostitute. He had to tell James, but how could he? He would demand proof, and James would have to tell him that he had seen his girlfriend naked, showing herself off to punters... Like himself. Oh god, had Lily and him had sex? If they had, he would die. Sirius flung himself onto the bed, and yelled into the pillow, punching the headboard until his knuckles bled. James. How could I? I need to find Lily, Sirius thought.

He ran down the stairs from the boy's dormitory and into the common room and sank into one of the wingback chairs. Sirius remembered now. The back room... The lacy black thong...Oh Lord. They had done it. They'd had sex. Against a wall in a back room of a brothel. Sirius could barely breathe. He shut his eyes and pulled out the thong from his pocket.

He stared at it for what seemed like forever. It made him feel sick. He was about to throw it into the fire when he saw James walk in and see him. Concern turned to anger in his face as he recognised what Sirius was trying to hide in his hands.

"HEY! Sirius, you bastard! Those are LILY'S!"

END CHAPTER


End file.
